Freedom in the Balance

Freedom comes with a horrific price tag: blood, sweat, tears, and lives. What is it about Freedom that we're willing to put our very lives on the line to fight for it? It is the essence of humanity and it is the only thing worth fighting and dying for. Freedom is the right to choose your destiny, it is the right to choose where you will work, how you will worship, and who you will love.

Freedom is the right to speak your mind. On July 4, 1776, fifty-six men committed treason by speaking their minds and declaring that all men were created equal and endowed with certain unalienable Rights. The signers of the Declaration of Independence could have hung for their words, but they were willing to take the risk because they knew that freedom was greater than any one human being.


On June 4, 1989, thousands of Chinese protesters peacefully gathered in Tienanmen Square to ask for the same rights our founding fathers had fought for centuries earlier: the right to self government, the right to a free market, and the right to speak their minds. Ordinary Chinese citizens knew that the government might--and did--take lives for the protest, but they knew freedom was worth dying for.


Time has given World Wars I and II a glossy patina and when we think of those "Wars to End All Wars," we romanticize them and think about the flying aces, the cute songs, the dances at the USO, and the heroes. We don't think about the blood, the death, the stench. We don't think about what it must have been like for young men to step past the bodies of their best friends in a game of hide and seek with the enemy. We don't think about the hunger, the pain, and the fear.

The heroes of WWII get saluted, get thanked, and get respected; but the heroes of our most recent wars are often forgotten and left to wonder if we do appreciate their sacrifices. Time has not given the wars in Vietnam, Korea, Iraq, and Afghanistan the glossy patina enjoyed by the great wars of the past and we often forget the sacrifices being made today by young men and women who believe that freedom for all mankind is worth fighting and dying for.

Next time you see someone in uniform, take the time to thank them for making the sacrifices that let us enjoy beer, barbeque, and fireworks on the Fourth of July.

Friendships and Bliss

"Man"ufacturing is the last bastion of masculinity, but strangely enough it's been at a heavy equipment manufacturer that I've found some of the best female friends a girl could ask for. Maybe it's because we're banding together to create a girls' club within the world of testosterone, or maybe it's because the boys' club attracts a certain kind of woman: down to earth, practical, funny, intelligent, and hardworking. In short, all the things I've always found in my best male friends.

I didn't realize until I went out to dinner the other night with Ethel and Thursa how much fun it could really be to hang out with just the girls. When I first met Ethel about two years ago, I never thought we'd be friends because she's one of those beautiful Southern girls who always looks perfect and never has a hair out of place. I soon learned that underneath that beautiful blonde hair was a streak of will and determination that matched my own. While I went to college right out of high school and had the luxury of going full time, Ethel went to college while she was working full time and raising a family. She's also one of those people who doesn't leave at 5 just because it's quitting time, she stays till the job is done. Ethel knows I've been going through a hard time lately and she's truly been there for me. She wrote me the most heartfelt email after my dad died sharing how she'd felt when someone close to her died and when she said I could cry on her shoulder anytime, I knew she meant it. Thanks to her friendship, I now have a beautiful silver four leaf clover necklace that reminds me every time I look at it how blessed I am to have Ethel in my life.

I met Thursa for the first time this week and I wasn't sure what to expect because the first time I spoke to her on the phone I heard the sweetest Southern drawl and I found out from talking to the guys at work that she'd been at our company for 22 years. Thursa wasn't what I was expecting; she was a dynamic and pragmatic woman who knows her job and who knows more than any of us what it's like to work in the boys' club. Listening to Thursa, I realized how truly lucky I was to get some of the opportunities I've gotten. I was so impressed by her humor and good nature that I felt like I'd met someone who could truly be a friend.

Dinner with Thursa and Ethel was an experience as we laughed, talked, and shared stories about traveling and life. Ethel and I had the all-you-could-eat crab legs and we both agreed that we were glad the boys weren't around, because in the girls' club, we could eat all we wanted without feeling like pigs.

Grace is one of the most beautiful women I know both inside and out and I feel blessed every time I get to spend time with her. She's one of those women who is so pretty that if she wasn't also genuine, sweet, and funny I'd hate her. I enjoy every minute I get to spend with her because she has a wonderful sense of humor and a "can do" attitude. Despite her hectic life (think full time job and two year old), Grace is one of those people who always sounds happy to hear from you no matter how busy she is. I called her today to finalize plans for a trip we're going on tomorrow and despite being on vacation out of state, she called me back as soon as she saw she'd missed my call and we had a great conversation.

I have not and probably never will be the athletic type, so you'd think the last person I would enjoy spending time with would be someone who seems to be the epitome of sporty, but I always like hanging with Temperance. She's one of those brainy and athletic types that always intimidated me, because while I might be able to compete in the classroom, I knew I could never compete on the playing field. But Temperance isn't like the snotty and full of themselves athletes who strolled the halls of high school; she's a caring and nurturing young woman who's trying to balance the demands of work with her personal life. She's also self aware enough to know that sometimes you have to take a step back to take a step forward. I've learned a lot from Temperance about making your personal life a priority and about staying true to yourself.

Natalie is a natural nurturer and when you're around her, you always feel like no matter how big the crisis, she will find a way to make things all right. She's one of those people that always finds the good in everyone and that makes her one of those people whose opinion matters to me. Someone whose respect I truly want. That's not to say that Natalie is a goody two shoes without a sense of fun, because she definitely has a sense of humor (can anyone say hand sanitizer?). As a boss Natalie is one of the great ones who truly encourages and empowers her people and those who work for her should consider themselves fortunate.

Finding people you truly like and respect at work isn't always easy and that's why I consider myself truly fortunate, that I've found the girls' club within the boys' club.

Strawberry Bliss

The best meal I ever had wasn't in a fancy restaurant, but was strawberries and chocolate eaten as I strolled through the streets of Amsterdam. I had one magickal day in Amsterdam and I didn't want to miss a minute of it sitting in a restaurant. I found a small grocery store and purchased some fresh strawberries. They were smaller than the berries we have at home, but they were much sweeter and I walked the streets of Amsterdam eating those incredibly flavorful berries.

A few blocks from the grocer, I found a chocolate shop and I could tell it was good because there was a queue of people (mostly women) lined up outside. Taking my place in line, I patiently waited for my turn to enter the store and take my place among the chosen few who were already inhaling chocolate nirvana. The chocolate was incredibly pricey, so I chose only a few small pieces. The chocolate was well worth the price and the wait as it melted in my mouth and perfectly complimented the blissful strawberries I'd already eaten.


The serotonin high from the chocolate and strawberries had me floating through the streets of Amsterdam (or maybe it was the buzz from the coffee shops) for the rest of the day. The Amsterdam Flea Market was a treasure trove of art, antiques, crystals, and more. I found a beautiful print of Cafe Terrace at Night by Van Gogh and another watercolor by an obscure recent artist. Both now happily adorn my walls to always remind me of that blissful day.

More bliss was to be had in the Amsterdam Flower Market where I wandered the fragrant streets sniffing the tulips, the orchids, and a host of other flowers. It is absolutely impossible to feel sad, angry, or uptight when you're surrounded by so many sights and scents.


I haven't been able to recreate the strawberry bliss I felt in Holland at home, but I did recently discover Devonshire cream and mixing that buttery thick cream in with fresh strawberries and sugar is a blissful treat in its own right.

Pen full of Bliss

My passion for writing inspires me, enthralls me, enlightens me, and eases my burden, but when I go to put words on paper about my passion, I find myself blocked and I can't explain what it is about putting pen to ink that so inspires me. Writing defines the essence of who I am and it is through my writing that the real me finds her voice. Tom Hanks had a line in the awe inspiring movie Philadelphia where he said, "I love the law." Writing is just that basic for me: "I love the language." I love the way words feel when they dance off my fingers and onto the keyboard. I love finding just the right word to express what I'm feeling. I love it when my words right an injustice, touch someone's heart, or just make someone stop and ponder another point of view.

Writing lets me think on paper and playing with words helps me clarify my thoughts. I write technical documents, emails, and manuals at work and some people would find that tedious and dull, but I even enjoy playing with words and finding just the right word to describe an SAP transaction. Some people would say that is a sickness, but I view it as a love affair with the English language.

Screenplays, novels, letters to the editor, self help books, journals, blogs, and essays. I've written them all and they've all changed my world in some way. Screenplays I write with the hopes of being sold, but despite never selling one of the three I've written, I still love writing them because they let me bring an entire universe to life in 120 pages. You notice I say bring a universe to life and not create a universe. That's because sometimes when I get into the flow of writing, it feels like I'm just describing events that I'm seeing on a screen in my head. The characters end up having lives of their own. The interesting thing about my scripts is that I've learned something about myself from every character I've written. From Jennifer I've learned to tap my inner strength; from Mo I learned that I'm capable of more than I give myself credit for; and from Clare, my newest heroine, I'm learning that I'm capable of forgiveness and letting things go.

I wrote my one and only novel to help me dig through some deep seated fears and resentments. What I found was that novels weren't my cup of tea; there were too many pages to fill up, and too many words to write. I didn't like having to write transitions and having to come up with a zillion ways to say "said." I don't have that issue with screenplays as I just put a name and what they're saying and that's that.

Letters to the editor are calls to action; they are my way of telling the world about injustice and tyranny. They always say the pen is mightier than the sword and when I pick up a pen, I feel Thomas Paine and Thomas Jefferson standing over my shoulder extolling the virtues of striking a blow against tyranny through the written word. Not that I think showing inappropriate TV shows or rude people at high school graduations are as important as Revolution, but I feel a sense of patriotism when I exercise my right to question the world around me.

The Portable Coach was written at a time when I needed to reinvent myself. I've always figured out that I learn best by doing and explaining, and that's what writing The Portable Coach allowed me to do. I was able to internalize the processes that I needed to go through to change my life by writing about them and explaining them so that other people could learn how to changes their lives.

Journals are my most personal of writings and I have a stack of them in my grandmother's wardrobe that detail the journey I've taken from girl to woman. Some of them are excruciatingly boring and whiny as I detail all the petty injustices that filled my world at the time they were written and others show insights into myself that I'd forgotten. I never edit my journals and they are always about the free flow of words onto the page. In some ways, my journals serve as my very own therapist and at $2 bucks for a notebook, they're a little cheaper than therapy.

Essays and blogs go together in my world as my blog really is a series of essays about things that matter to me. Blogs let me tell my story and the lessons I've learned from loving it. My blog helps me sort through my feelings and gain the kernels of truth that are inside each experience I have. I've learned since I've been blogging that when I keep my focus on finding bliss and balance in all experiences, I do. When I don't focus on it, it is too easy to become unbalanced and focus on the negatives instead of the bliss that surrounds us every day, if only we go looking for it.

Unlike my journals, my blog is meant to be read and shared and it's disheartening when days go by without any new clicks showing up. But then when I don't check the stats for a few days, sometimes I'll find that quite a few people read my blog and that is bliss indeed.

Balance Between the Worlds

Beaches are among the most magickal places on earth as they serve as an ever changing boundary between the world of water and the world of earth. I've always loved standing on the beach and letting my feet be licked by the water: sometimes the water just kisses my toes and a few waves later it splashes my knees. It's a magickal place that's not quite earth and not quite water.

We went to Illinois Beach State Park today for Caitlin's birthday and the beach was wild and deserted: a place of beauty and mystery. We walked over the dunes to where giant glacers had moved the earth herself to create rock creations. The earth isn't done changing though as these rock creations are now being licked smooth by the waters of Lake Michigan. The rocks are uneven and create crevices where water pools as the tide washes in and out.

Caitlin ran and danced with the waves running into the shallow waves, then stepping back as the waves came higher and higher. She laughed and played and I grew nervous as she walked deeper into the water and started to call her back, but then she pulled herself back and sat on the damp sand in the land between the earth and water. She crossed her legs, stilled herself and became the picture of calm as she stared out at the boats on the water.

Feeling uneasy about her being so close to the water, I wouldn't let myself relax until my husband came over and perched on the pier above both of us, sitting like a silent sentinal. I knew that once he was there I could relax as he would watch out for both of us. I found myself a niche in the water smoothed rocks where I could dangle my feet in the water and I let myself feel the waves kiss my toes and the sun kiss the back of my neck and I let the tension flow out of my body and be watched away by the waves.

Looking out at the lake, I could see the sun reflecting off the blue water and colorful sailboats skimming across the waves. Life felt uncomplicated as if all that mattered where the elements of sun, surf, and sand. The deep sense of calm I felt driving home is something I will strive to recapture on days when life seems hectic, rushed, and way too complicated.