Rememberance

As a pagan, Halloween is one of the most holy days of the year as we believe it is the day when the veil between the world of the living and the world of the dead is the thinnest and that we can communicate with those who have gone before. Our family spends time on Halloween remembering those who have gone before and paying tribute to the lessons we've learned and the courage that has been shown by our ancestors. As our children get older, I am always touched by the thoughtfulness and insight they share. We typically go around the family circle several times remembering family members and loved ones who have passed this year, family members and loved ones who have passed in years past, people who have inspired us, and lastly a reading of famous people who've died during the year.


Loved Ones who have passed this year


This year's reading of the dead list was especially poignant as my father, who passed away last Thanksgiving was on everyone's mind. I shared with the family the lessons I'd learned from my father about loving other people, being kind, and loving animals. Cat shared how her grandfather had inspired her love of animals and desire to work with critters. Sean shared how he had learned at his grandfather's funeral how benevolent his grandfather had been to everyone and not just his family members. Sean said he was especially impressed by how many people his grandfather had touched in his life and how he kept in touch with people he worked with from 20 or more years ago. John made me cry when he talked about how my father had welcomed him into his family.

A few days before my father died, my grandmother passed away so my poor mother had to grieve for her mother and tend to my father during his last days. My grandmother was a difficult woman who made my mother's life very hard growing up. Despite the grief and misery my grandmother had caused, my mother exemplified love and compassion as she took care of her in her later years. As I took a few moment's to reflect upon my grandmother's life, I found myself able to show her compassion and thank her for having giving birth to my mother. I acknowledged that she was a product of her upbringing and I felt the burden of anger and pain release as I realized that she could no longer hurt me and the best gift I could give myself and my mother was to let go of the anger and pain I'd been carrying around.

Other Loved Ones

After we've remembered our loved ones who have crossed over in the past year, we take a few minutes to remember the ones we have loved who died in years gone past. This year there were people in our hearts, but we focused on the pets we'd loved and lost like our very beloved dog Blake who died 15 years ago when I left him out all night and he got hit by a truck when he raced home in the morning. We remembered Sammy who died of seizures eight years ago. And we remembered our childhood pets who had graced our lives with love and laughter. It was funny as we were talking about our past pets, Luke got hyper and started being physco puppy as if he did not want us to talk about any critters but him. We told him gently that if we hadn't had such wonderful dogs in days gone past, we would not have wanted to bring him into our lives.

People who have inspired us

We always remember people whose lives and or deaths have touched us in some way. Sometimes these are people who have died recently and other times that are people who died hundreds of years ago. Caitlin started off by remembering the witches who were burned at the stake, but instead of remembering them as victims, she praised them for choosing to live their lives to the beat of a different drummer. She praised them for their integrity in being healers and wisewomen and not conforming to societal norms. My loving daughter also remembered the heroes of Flight 93 for their courage in choosing to fight instead of allow the hijackers to kill other innocents. She remembered our night time visit to the Flight 93 memorial and the ghostly hug she received that made her feel everything would be all right.

John chose to remember all the victims of intolerance throughout the ages from the victims of the Crusades to the victims of the Holocaust to the victims of genocide in Darfur and Yugoslavia. He spoke eloquently about how we needed to do what we could to stop the senseless killing.

I remembered the "Righteous among the Nations" for their courage in doing what they could to protect and defend Jews during the Holocaust. I remembered those who chose to issue passports so Jews could escape, those who chose to hire them as workers to save their lives, and those who sheltered them. They did so knowing that if they were caught, it could mean their lives.

Sean's tribute was to the victims of gang violence, to the little girls who lost their lives in the crossfire while they were sitting on their front porches, to children who were beaten to death coming home from school, and to the kids who got caught up in the gangs because it was either joint he gangs or die.

Listening to my eloquent children speak about those people who had touched their lives, gave me goosebumps as I realized they have grown up to be intelligent and thoughtful individuals who do recognize right from wrong and do have similar values to their father and I.

The Yearly Dead List

The last part of the evening is devoted to reading a list of notable people who have died during the year. I used to keep a running list all year, but the last few years I've just reviewed online lists of deaths right before Halloween to compile a list of those who we'll remember. People who typically make our family Dead List include actors from movies or TV shows that have meant something to us, sports figures, World War II heroes, ordinary people who died violently, and others whose lives seem interesting or who touched us in some way. Compiling the list is always interesting as inevitably there is someone who died that we forgot or didn't know about, for instance this year Majel Barrett (Star Trek actress and wife of Gene Rodenberry) passed away and we didn't realize it until we compiled the dead list. The following was our dead list for 2009 (note this was compiled from Wikipedia):

Bill Finnegan, 80, American television and film producer (The Fabulous Baker Boys, Hawaii Five-O)
Andrew McKelvey, 74, American founder of Monster.com, pancreatic cancer. [32]
Edna Parker, 115, American supercentenarian, oldest validated living person. [48]
David M. Jones, 94, American Air Force officer, Doolittle Raider. [60]
Alan Gordon, 64, American songwriter ("Happy Together"). [80],
Betty James, 90, American businesswoman, co-founder of the Slinky company
Debby, 42, Soviet-born Canadian oldest living polar bear, third-oldest known bear
George Stephen Morrison, 89, American admiral, father of Jim Morrison. [112]
Adrian Kantrowitz, 90, American physician, performed the first pediatric heart transplant
John Odom, 26, American professional baseball player, accidental drug overdose. [201]
Michael Crichton, 66, American writer (Jurassic Park, The Andromeda Strain
Syd Lucas, 108, British World War I veteran. [210],
Cecil W. Stoughton, 88, American Presidential photographer (Kennedy, Johnson)
Bill Stall, 71, American Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist (Los Angeles Times), complications from pulmonary disease. [237]
Jimmy Carl Black, 70, American Cheyenne drummer and vocalist (The Mothers of Invention), lung cancer. [240]
Tiffany Sloan, 35, American model (Playboy), suicide by drug overdose. [248]
Richard Genelle, 47, American actor (Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Power Rangers: Zeo)
Bernie Hamilton, 80, American actor (Starsky and Hutch), cardiac arrest. [9]
Paul Hofmann, 96, Austrian writer, informant against the Nazis. [10]
Freddie Hubbard, 70, American jazz trumpeter, complications from a heart attack. [16]
Quentin C. Aanenson, 87, American fighter pilot, cancer. [22]
Sir Michael Levey, 81, British art historian, Director of the National Gallery (1973–1986). [26]
Wyvetter H. Younge, 78, American politician, member of the Illinois House of Representatives since 1975
Eartha Kitt, 81, American singer and actress (Batman), colon cancer. [55]
Ron Hornaday, Sr., 77, American NASCAR driver, cancer. [91]
Robert Mulligan, 83, American film director (To Kill a Mockingbird), heart disease. [104]
Matt Kofler, 49, American football player (Buffalo Bills, Indianapolis Colts). [114]
Majel Barrett, 76, American actress (Star Trek), widow of science fiction writer Gene Roddenberry
Peter Malam Brothers, 91, British Royal Air Force pilot, Battle of Britain ace. [118]
Pete Case, 67, American football player (New York Giants), after long illness. [119]
John Costelloe, 47, American actor (The Sopranos), suicide by gunshot. [120]
Nahla Hussain al-Shaly, 37, Iraqi women's rights activist, shot and decapitated. [124]
W. Mark Felt, 95, American public official, Deputy Director of the FBI
Gregoire, 66, African-born primate, oldest known chimpanzee. [136]
Bettie Page, 85, American pin-up model and actress, complications from a heart attack. [194]
Sunny von Bülow, 76, American heiress, cardiopulmonary arrest. [240]
Beverly Garland, 82, American actress (My Three Sons), after long illness. [248]
Richard Topus, 84, American World War II messenger pigeon trainer and business executive, kidney failure. [253]
Oliver Selfridge, 82, British-born American computer scientist, pioneer of artificial intelligence
Lou Jacobi, 95, Canadian-born American actor (The Diary of Anne Frank). [15] ,
Shiloh Pepin, 10, American girl with rare sirenomelia condition, pneumonia. [16]
Soupy Sales, 83, American comedian. [29],
Joseph Wiseman, 91, Canadian actor (Dr. No). [65],
Jasper Howard, 20, American football player, stabbed. [68]
Leonard B. Keller, 62, American soldier, Medal of Honor recipient
Willard Varnell Oliver, 88, American Navajo code talker. [110],
Collin Wilcox, 74, American actress (To Kill a Mockingbird), brain cancer. [114]
Shaun Wylie, 96, British mathematician and World War II codebreaker. [252],
Summer Squall, 22, American thoroughbred stallion racehorse, 1990 Preakness Stakes winner
Lucy Vodden, 46, British inspiration for The Beatles song "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds", lupus. [89]
Robert Searcy, 88, American member of the Tuskegee Airmen, colorectal cancer. [136]
Steve Romanik, 85, American football player (Chicago Bears), after long illness. [150]
Mary Travers, 72, American singer (Peter, Paul and Mary), leukemia. [152]
Michael Knox, 48, American co-founder of Park Place Productions, producer of John Madden Football
Patrick Swayze, 57, American actor (Dirty Dancing, Ghost)
Arnold Laven, 87, American film and television director (The Rifleman, The Big Valley)
Bill Sparkman, 51, American substitute teacher and census worker, hanged. [200]
Gertrude Baines, 115, American supercentenarian, world's oldest person
Larry Gelbart, 81, American comedy writer (M*A*S*H) and blogger (The Huffington Post), cancer. [208]
Crystal Lee Jordan, 68, American union organizer, inspiration for Norma Rae
John Pattison, 92, New Zealand World War II pilot. [213],
Frank Batten, 82, American businessman, founder of The Weather Channel
Gertrude Noone, 110, American supercentenarian, world's oldest military veteran. [224]
Annie Le, 24, American graduate student, homicide. [241]
John Stephens, 43, American football player (New England Patriots), NFL Offensive Rookie of the Year (1988)
Nancy Talbot, 89, American businesswoman, co-founder of Talbots retail stores
Sadie Corre, 91, British actress (The Rocky Horror Picture Show). [53],
Ellie Greenwich, 68, American songwriter ("Be My Baby", "Chapel of Love")
T. J. Turner, 46, American football player (Miami Dolphins), complications from a stroke. [77]
Jim Urbanek, 64, American football player (Miami Dolphins). [78] ,
Charles Bond, 94, American Air Force general, pilot with Flying Tigers
Ed Reimers, 96, American character actor (Star Trek, The Barefoot Executive). [141]
Louis Rosen, 91, American nuclear physicist (Manhattan Project), inventor of the atom smasher
Eunice Kennedy Shriver, 88, American activist, founder of the Special Olympics
Ted Kennedy, 77, American politician, Senator from Massachusetts (1962–2009)
Merlyn Mantle, 77, American author, widow of Mickey Mantle
Jimmy Bedford, 69, American distiller (Jack Daniel's), heart attack. [224]
John Hughes, 59, American film director, screenwriter
Gidget, 15, American chihuahua, Taco Bell mascot
Dallas McKennon, 89, American voice actor (Gumby, Buzz Buzzard
Farrah Fawcett, 62, American actress (Charlie's Angels), anal cancer. [39]
Michael Jackson, 50, American pop singer–songwriter, acute propofol intoxication. [42]
Ed McMahon, 86, American television host (Star Search) and announcer (The Tonight Show). [72],
Jerri Nielsen, 57, American physician, treated herself for breast cancer on Antarctica in 1999
Bert Bank, 94, American radio pioneer and politician, Bataan Death March survivor. [78]
Lorena Gale, 51, Canadian actress (Battlestar Galactica) and playwright, gastrointestinal cancer. [90]
Kenneth L. Reusser, 89, American Marine aviator, decorated veteran of World War II
Michael Roof, 32, American actor (xXx, Black Hawk Down
Beatrice Arthur, 86, American Emmy and Tony Award-winning actress (Maude, The Golden Girls
Alex Lees, 97, British planner of the Great Escape during World War II. [74],
Ray Nance, 94, American World War II veteran, survivor of D-Day.
Ken Anderson, 33, American football player (Chicago Bears), heart attack.
Millard Kaufman, 92, American screenwriter (Bad Day at Black Rock), co-creator of Mr. Magoo
Jimmy Boyd, 70, American actor and singer ("I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"), cancer.
Billy Werber, 100, American baseball player, last living teammate of Babe Ruth
Bob May, 69, American actor (Lost in Space, The Time Tunnel)
Ricardo Montalbán, 88, Mexican-born American actor (Fantasy Island, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan)
Elżbieta Zawacka, 99, Polish World War II freedom fighter.

Bliss and the Blues

We interrupt your regularly scheduled bliss for this announcement from the dark side of life.

You have to take the good with the bad and realize that the world doesn't run on sunshine and roses, sometimes there are tears, screaming, and the blues involved in this thing we call life. I haven't written for a couple of days because I haven't been feeling too blissful and all the usual things that bring me bliss aren't working. So instead of a blissful blog, today's blog is more about the darker side of live, because sometimes in order to find the bliss ya gotta sing the blues.

The days are getting shorter and it's dark when I get up and go to work and dark when I get off work. I feel like a cellar dweller who never sees the light of day. Although I know I could take time at lunch and go for a walk to get some sunlight, I'm so far in the dumps that doesn't even sound appealing.

I'd originally written a highly entertaining paragraph about certain people who make my life really miserable, but since I'm never sure who is reading my blog and the fact that there would have been enough details that anyone who knows me could have figured out who I'm talking about, I deleted the paragraph and will leave it at there are certain people in my life who provide much fodder for endless conversations about how much they suck.

Money is tight right now and we just got hit with a HUGE tax bill that's making matters worse. It gets depressing to work your butt of and not have enough money at the end of the month. To make matters worse everyone acts as if I can just snap my fingers and produce more money. It doesn't work that way.

The moron trolls posted comments again yesterday and even though I know they are total idiots who bring absolutely no value to the world, I let their comments get under my skin. That is dumb and I know it, but it happened and I need to let it go and not worry about what some idiot who lives in mommy's basement thinks.

Okay, are all of you tired of listening to me whine? I'm not even a good Blues singer because it just comes off as a lot of whining that even makes me disgusted with myself.

Now we'll return to your regularly scheduled bliss.

Gaming Bliss

There's something about sitting around a table and competing for glory and honor that truly bonds a family. My family has been playing games together since the kids' favorite game was Chutes and Ladders. As our kids have grown, the games we've played have changed but what's remaind the same is the camraderie and friendly competition that the games create.

Our favorite games through the years have included the "Batman Game" (guess who loved that one) that allows individuals to help Batman rid the world of criminals like Joker and the Penguin. Sean loved to play this game when he was younger and every so often I come across it and get a yearning to gather my family in the Batcave and help rid the world of evil.

We bought the Ravensburger Labyrinth game for the children, but it soon became my favorite game as I loved hunting through the Labyrinth for the seven treasures and blocking my opponents in whenever I got the chance. Unfortunately, the kids quicly outgrew Labyrinth, but I still love to play it.

Hubby's favorite game of all time is Euchre, but it takes all four of us to play so we don't play it as much as he'd like. It took me a while to warm up to the game because I equated it with college drinking games, but once I learned its intricacies, I was hooked and I began begging to play. We still play now and then but one of our foursome has decided she doesn't like to play so it takes some major begging and occasionally a bribe to get her to play.


Trivial Pursuit is another family favorite. We've played multiple incarnations, but we always seem to gravitate back to the original. There's a Beatles version out now that may find it's way into someone's Christmas stocking. Scattegories, Risk, Aggravation, and Life are other favorites that we play when the mood strikes. One of my favorite memories is sitting around a picnic table at the camp ground playing Aggravation and sending each of my family members in turn back to start.


Lately, we've been playing the Scene It and other video games and although they are fun, there is something to be said for sitting around a table with the TV off, listening to some soft music and playing games to create family bliss.

Clean Enough Bliss

Walking into a clean house where the floors are glistening, the room smells of scented lilac or something equally yummy is an amazing feeling. It gives you a tremendous feeling of calm and bliss and somehow seems to make the day go better. There never seems to be enough time to get my house as spotless as I'd like it so it's been a struggle to write about all of my thirty blissful things.

It seems as if I'd get one area of my house clean and somewhere else would get messy. There never seems to be enough time to get all the laundry done and put away, all the dishes done, and everything else that needs to get done done. I also want to spend time with my family, work on my business, exercise, and do a lot of other things that add value to my house. I've been thinking a lot about what constitutes a clean house and whether or not my house really has to be model clean and I've realized a couple of things:

Processes

I need to spend sometime working on putting processes in place that will help me keep my house clean and help me keep my sanity. I still don't have all the processes figured out and I've also realized that at least until I get these processes working smoothly, they have to be processes that I will make sure get done as my family isn't always wonderful about cleaning house and putting things away. I'm also hoping eventually to put together a class called "Process Your Life" with tips on how to set up processes that will help people make their households run more smoothly. So far these are the processes that I've put in place:

• Purse holder--I've put some hooks in the hall closet for all of my purses so that I don't dump them all over and spend hours looking for stuff. I'm still note completely perfect at putting things away, but it really does help to have one place to look for things and if I do forget, I'm pretty good about going and finding my purse and putting it away (okay, breaktime while I go put my purse away while I'm thinking about it).
  
• Key Holder--I've put a small dish by the door and am working hard to put my keys there as soon as I come in the door. This prevents the morning rush to get ready.
• Batching my laundry--I hate putting laundry away. It is my absolute least favorite chore and if I put my clothes away as soon as I do the laundry, it seems as if I'm always putting things away. Now, I wash my clothes when there is a hamper or two full and once all the loads are done, I take them up and hang them. This lets me do laundry once a week so I don't feel like I'm always washing clothes. I've also made it clear that everyone in my house is responsible for their own clothes.
  
• Shredding my mail--Mail has been the bane of my existance since we moved to a more upscale suburb. It seems that we are on absolutely everyone's mailing list. I've bought a shredder and now most of the mail gets shredded as soon as it comes in the door.

• Banking and Online Bill Pay--I've signed up for online bill pay from all of my standard accounts and I've set it up so I can send checks to all of my other smaller accounts (water bill, trash, etc.). This lets me see everything that is going on with my money from one place. It also means that I can either eliminate some of my mail or look at it quickly and shred it.

Asking for Help

I've learned that with my family, I can't just expect them to see the work that needs to be done and do it. Instead I have to ask very specifically for what I want: "Can you run a load of dishes?" "Can you cook dinner tonight?" "Can you sweep the floor?" I'd love it if they'd just take ownership and do what needs to be done around the house, but I've come to accept that that isn't going to happen and if I want things done I have to ask specifically for what I need.

Cleaning Incrementally

I've been trying to clean up and tidy up as I go so the house does not become a disaster area. This isn't always easy, but I'm making some progress and the house gets a little better every day.

Accepting Some Mess

My house will never be spotless as we have four active people with jobs, friends, lives, and bad habits that live here. It will never look like a model home and if I can get it to the point that it is sanitary and the worst of the clutter is gone, I'm going to be happy. As I sit here right now, the house is reasonably clean. There's a load of dishes to be washed, but the floors have been swept, the groceries put away, and most of the laundries been done. I have a life to lead and the more time I spend obsessing over a spotless house, the less time I'll have to live it.

A part of me would rather to continue to strive for that spotless house, but most likely it's never going to happen because I'm not the only one that messes up the house (although in the interest of fair disclosure, I do make my fair share of messes) so I'm going to strive for clean enough and live my life to the fullest.

Backcracking Bliss

The soft lights, the candles, the rhythmic stroking of the massage therapist are enough to put me into a state of nirvana. A good masseuse is one of those rare gems in the world who can engender bliss in everyone they work on and make the burdens of the world seem a little lighter. Although it's not quite the same as a full body massage, I use the back massager my husband got me for Christmas a few years ago several times a week as it helps keep my back pain in check.

The most amazing massage I ever got was at the JeJu Spa in Atlanta. The JeJu Spa is unlike a traditional American spa in that they have single sex bath rooms with baths of various temperatures. There's a hot tub, a medium heat tub, and a cold bath. They also have a steam room and heat lamps. Everyone is naked in the baths, which is a little weird for puritan Americans, but you get used to it and it doesn't seem so strange after a few minutes. In addition to the baths, they have unisex (where everyone is clothed) saunas. There's a salt bath sauna, a gem room, and all sorts of other rooms designed to draw the impurities out of your system. They also have traditional massages and the masseuses are amazing as they work very hard to get all the kinks out of your muscles. I left after my 90 minute massage feeling on top of the world. It was also after that massage that I realized a massage could engender such a state of bliss that I no longer craved chocolate, pretty powerful stuff.

I was feeling in definite massage deprivation a few weeks ago when I went to the Mt. Prospect Farmer's Market and got a free chair massage from a Advanced Physical Medicine and Therapy. As he worked on my back, he recognized the muscle tightness and said he thought he might be able to help me get rid of the kinks permanently. I didn't have a lot to lose as they were offering the consultation for only $25. Since one of my resolutions for the year is to get a healthy body, I signed up and went.

Although I've traveled the world and believe strongly in the power of alternative medicine, Chiropractors weren't something I'd experienced before so it was with some trepidation that I went in for the consultation. I'd heard stories about back cracking and was unsure of what to expect. After some x-rays and examination, the Doctor told me that I had some issues, but he thought they could treat it with adjustments and therapy versus surgery. That sounded good to me so I agreed to come in three times a week for four weeks.

My first therapy session I was strapped down to the table and the doctor went to work stretching the muscles in my back. There's a spot on my lower back that is immensely painful, but he started working on the muscles and placing pressure on it. Once he'd finished on my lower back, he moved on to my shoulders. He explained to me a muscle knot was a muscle that was in a permanent state of constriction, i.e. the body thought it was working even when it wasn't. By applying pressure, he was working on breaking down the muscle knot so that it relaxed. The next step in therapy was the actual backcracking and it was uncomfortable as he held my neck and twisted it gently until we heard a cracking sound. I don't think I'll ever get used to the back cracking as the position reminds me of action flicks where the hero snaps the bad guy's neck.

After the manipulation and massage therapy, it was time for the electric stimulation. Electrodes are placed on your back, the area is covered with a heating bad and the electrical simulations exercise the muscles. At first, the electrical simulations felt a little bit strange, but then it started to feel relaxing as the muscles started to relax and the tension started leaving my shoulders.

Despite the relaxation that came from the electrical stim, I walked out of the chiropractor's in pain as my muscles all felt as if they had been worked over by an 800 pound gorilla. At that point, I wasn't sure I was going to go back as the pain was pretty intense. However, a funny thing happened the next day, I realized that I had a lot more energy and range of motion and the pain was actually subsiding.

Although the massages and therapy I get at the chiropractor's are not quite as relaxing as the massages you get from a standard massusue, the results are even more blissful as I'm starting to feel like my body is really healing and I'm going to enjoy a better quality of life long term. The short term pain is more than made up for by the backcracking bliss that I'm enjoying.