Loose Bliss

I feel incredibly good today physically, mentally, and emotionally. I got up this morning and took Cat to work and then headed home to do some housework. I started a load of dishes and laundry and then headed out to check out some office supply stores that I'd heard had a great selection of fountain pens and ink. I know it's incredibly geeky to like office supplies so much, but I think it's a genetic glitch as my mom, my daughter, and I all love office supplies.

The word on the street (i.e. the Internet) is that there is a cool office supply store with fountain pens in Oak Park. I pull out my trusty Telly Tubby (telnav) and map the way to what I hope is pen nirvana. It's about a 45 minute drive and I pass the time by listening to really great music on the stereo and thinking about all the good things that have come my way lately:

• We have a beautiful house in a nice and safe neighborhood.
• I have a wonderful dog that we got at the pound and who has turned out to a wonderful friend and companion.
• A few hours alone to head out and spend time by myself.
• A great new job working for a boss I really respect

As I thought about how great my life was, I realized that my body felt loose and relaxed. I didn't feel the tension that I usually feel in my shoulders and I felt totally relaxed and at one with the world around me. I don't feel that way very often so I took a few minutes to savor the feeling of being relaxed and in tune with my body.

Arriving in Oak Park, I found Pieritz Brothers Office Supplies to be a small and charming store in a residential area. It was founded over a hundred years ago and has been in the same family every since. The store was chock full of the old and the new. I found some great new Lamy fountain pens and antique pens for sale. They also had some great inks that I hadn't seen before. I purchased a few new inks and a great new notebook and a few note cards.

Googling fountain pens on the Internet had turned up another office supply store on the way home that was supposed to have a great supply of fountain pens. Unfortunately, they were closed, but I was in such a great mood that it didn't matter and I headed home. I relished the feeling of peace and ease that I was feeling and prayed the blissful feeling would last a little bit longer.

Friendly Bliss

The last few months have been difficult both personally and professionally. Things at work are tense and stressful as my company is undergoing an extraordinary restructuring that has seen us shrink from nine major facilities to five in less than a year. One of the facilities was one where I had spent fifteen months of my life installing a major computer system. I felt as if I was kicked in the stomach back in March when they announced they were closing the facility.

My department hasn't been immune from the challenges both internal and external. My own outspokenness and refusal to do the wrong thing landed me in the dog house back in July and it's only been with a little help from my friends that I survived. Some of these are the ones that called my nemesis a "butter face" because everything was attractive about her "but her" face. That made me laugh and made me realize I have staunch supporters.

There are the true leaders in our department who reached out a hand of friendship to me and made me realize I do have fans and supporters and that people other than me do see the insanity of what's going on. They're the ones who've commiserated with me and helped me find ways to realize that no matter what that I did the right thing. One of these folks, made it very clear that he wanted me to manage his project and made it very clear that he thought I was doing a great job. For that I will always be grateful because my self esteem and confidence had been shake and I needed someone to believe in me.

Then there is my new boss and my new management team who waged all out war to pull me out of a bad situation and into their department. They fought battles on several fronts to make this happen and they will never know exactly how grateful I am to them for helping me to escape what had become my own personal hell.

I've learned so many lessons from the last few months, but the most important one is that sometimes the hand of friendship comes from the most unexpected places and it always seems to come when you need it the most. So I guess I could say that I get blissed with a little help from my friends.

Red Neck Bliss

I grew up part red neck without even knowing it. My mother's family was large, loud, boistourous and always fighting about something. Sometimes it was like living inside a soap opera where you needed a score card to figure out who was talking to who. My father's family wasn't quite as boistorous but I suspect they were red necks at heart.

To my way of thinking, being a red neck isn't about how many cars you have parked in the front yard, it isn't about marrying your cousin, and it isn't about eating roadkill for dinner. Being a red neck is about being honest about who you are and about calling a spade a spade. It's about getting down and dirty and enjoying life. It's about stomping in the mud puddles instead of walking around them.

Going away to college and joining the workforce, I tried hard to keep my red neck tendancies hidden and to fit in with the rest of the crowd. Being a red neck wasn't cool and I wasn't about to annouce to the world that I liked bonfires, demoliton derbies, and being honest. It took me a long time to learn that the corporate world isn't about total honesty. It's about putting on a mask of civility and learning to keep your friends close and your enemines closer.

I'm still trying to figure out how to reconcile my red neck roots with my need to play in the corporate playground and make a living. A few years ago I found my anthem in Gretchen Wilson's Red Neck woman as she sings about being a product of her raising, shopping at Walmart, and playing in the dirt. I will probably never be as red neck as Gretchen, but I'm working really hard to embrace my inner red neck and to discover the bliss that comes from being real and not wearing the mask all the time.

29 Days of Giving Bliss?

I finished the 29 days of giving challenge back on November 1 and I promised that I'd right a recap about whether or not I felt it had changed my life. I've been pondering that question for over a month mainly because every time I thought about it, I reached the conclusion that it hadn't changed my life and that I really didn't see what all the hoopla was about. I kept telling myself that that must be wrong because everyone was excited about this and the author got a book published and everything so there must be something to it. However, no matter how many times I turned the question around in my head, I still reached the conclusion that the 29 days of giving had had at best a minimal impact on my life.

The big question was why did I feel it had a minimal impact on my life and that's the question I've really been pondering over a month. I guess the real reason I felt it had minimal impact was because all of the things on the list are things that I would have done anyway. I always try to make the world a little bit better and to do nice things for those around me. The 29 Day challenge didn't make me give my daughter money for homecoming, I would have done that anyway. Taking the dog for a walk had more to do with my desire for fitness than anything else and I always let someone go in front of me in line if I the person only has one or two items and I have a handful.

The next question was did my consciously noticing and recording the things I'd given and sharing them with the 29 days community make a change in my life and if anything I think that had a negative impact on my life because I felt like I was bragging about doing the right thing. I didn't need praise or recognition for the gifts and kindness I was sharing because I knew in my heart I'd done the right thing and that meant more than sharing them on a list with others.

As I was trolling through the Internet to get ideas for how to sum this up, I came across several random acts of kindness sites where people recount how kindnesses done by loved ones or strangers have changed their lives. To me it was much more meaningful to read stories from people who recognized the gifts given to them and how those gifts changed their lives.

My life has changed tremendously since I've started this blog as I'm consciously looking for the good things in life and recognizing those has led me to a more consistent state of bliss. Life still isn't perfect, but recognizing the gifts of bliss in my life seems to in a weird sort of way lead to more gifts of bliss in my life.

Santy Bliss

Wandering alone through the Dolphin Mall in Miami, I was hit with an overwhelming sense of sadness and aloneness (if that's a word). The sound of Christmas carols filled the air and all the shoppers were hustling and bustling to buy the next greatest thing. Watching it all, I got the feeling that no one remembered the true meaning of Christmas that it wasn't about buying the best presents or the most expensive presents, it was about giving from the heart.

My daddy grew up the third son of a widowed mother during the depression and there wasn't much money for gifts or extras, but somehow my grandmother always made sure that somehow her boys had Christmas. My father was grown by the time that Eddy Arnold recorded the song "Will Santy Come to Shanty Town" in 1961, but that song always had a special meaning for him. He knew what it was like to be poor at Christmas and wonder if Santy would visit his house.

Because my father grew up poor, Christmas was important to him and he always made sure that my brother and I got the best presents he could buy us, even if it meant scrimping somewhere else. Growing up, I didn't realize the sacrifices that went into making sure that we had presents under the tree and sometimes I took it for granted. However, as an adult I know how hard it is to make sure there are presents under the tree while you're also making sure there's a roof over your head and food on the table.

Wandering through that mall, I felt like my heart was breaking as I remembered the joy that Christmas had brought my father and knowing I'd never have Christmas with my daddy again. However, I realized that I still had my own family to enjoy Christmas with and I could make a difference in the lives of some of those poor little boys and girls who were wondering if Santy was coming to their house this year.

I headed to the bookstore and realized they were having a book drive for underprivileged kids and I realized this was a perfect way to honor my dad who fostered my love of reading and help kids who didn't have as much as mine did. I bought a few books to donate and left the mall feeling as if my daddy was smiling down on me.