The year that is: 2010

The new year is a time for resolutions, for goals, and for deciding what you want to be when you grow up. I've always found that when I put things down in writing, they tend to come true. They might not come true by the deadline I've set for myself, but they usually come true. I've never publicly shared my resolutions before so that's why it's taken me a while to build up the courage to actually share what I want to accomplish in the coming year. I'll confess that even though this posting is dated 01/01, I'm actually writing it on 1/17. So what do I hope to accomplish in the coming year?

Eat right and exercise

In years past my health goals have always been driven by the number on the scale, but I've come to realize that in reality I cannot directly impact the number on the scale. A person's metabolism is a complicated creature governed by genetics, age, and a host of other factors. All those factors conspire to mean that eating 3,500 less than I expend doesn't guarantee I'll lose a pound. This has been the number one reason I've given up on diets before because I give up in frustration when I don't lose as much weight as I think I should. So for this reason, my eating and exercise resolutions are:

• Track my calories every day
• Eat less than 2,000 calories every day
• Exercise 30 minutes or walk 10,000 steps every day
• Blog about the things that work and those that don't

Those are all factors that I can control and if I do them on a regular basis, the numbers on the scale should eventually reflect my progress.

Personal

I'm realizing that as I mature that I have a lot of anger, insecurity, and stress that I need to work through. I hold on to things and obsess over them way too long and I always have to be right. This is getting in the way of my relationships with other people and with my own personal happiness. My goals for this year are:

• To like myself and to accept who I am.


• To learn to let things go and to move on


• To forgive other people and accept them for who they are
• To continue my search for bliss and balance

There are goals I've hesitated to set for myself in the past because they are not SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time boxed). These are what in the past I would have called "wishy washy" because the are intangibles that can't be measured. I guess the only way I know if I have achieved these goals is to look back in a year and see if I'm happier.

Writing

Writing is and has always been my passion and all too often I haven't been as serious about it as I should be. Things are complicated by the fact that I spend time writing at work so it's hard to switch gears between work writing and writing for fun. This year there are some very specific things I want to accomplish with my writing this year:

• Publish Pink Slip 101
• Publish The Portable Coach
• Write Finding my Bliss
• Write in my blog at least five times a week
• Attend one writing conference

I've been letting my writing take a back seat to everything else and I need to start finding time to write again.

Family

My kids are growing up and they'll only be living at home for a few more years and I need to take advantage of the time I have left with them and start finding ways to spend time with them as young adults. I also need to make time to drive with Cat so she can get her license. At the same time, I need to find time to build a new relationship with John since our relationship will change when the kids are out of the house. Whew...those are some pretty ambitious goals, but they are ones I need to accomplish. Here are some specific ways I think I can accomplish those:

• Have two dates a month with Cat
• Have two dates a month with Sean
• Have two dates a month with John
• One family activity a month
• A family vacation

Professional

The more my life marches on, the more I realize that work is only a portion of my life and that I really need to focus on life outside of work. Therefore most of my goals this year are personal, but the one work related goal that I do have is to pass my PMP exam so I'm a certified project manager.

Financial

I've always felt behind the eight ball financially and this year is no different than previous years. This year I'm going to focus more on paying my bills off and less on saving money as I'm earning 4 percent and paying out up to 20 percent in interest. That makes no financial sense. So my goals for this year are:

• Pay off my US Bank Card ($3,500)
• Pay off both our 2009 and 2010 tax bills ($11,000)
• Pay Sean's 2009 tuition by June ($5,600)
• Pay off my work loan $5,600
• Save $5,000
• Stay on track on our regular bills

Hopefully, I'll get a bonus and a raise this year to help get us caught up.

For myself and the rest of the world, I hope this year is better than last and that my family and yours finds happiness and prosperity.

2009: Lessons Learned

There's something magickal about a new year that lets you symbolically wipe the slate clean and start all over again. However, we cannot only look forward without first looking back over the year that was for as Julia Alvarez famously said, "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." I started off recapping the year that was, but then I realized that I was doing a repeat of our Christmas letter so I erased it all and started over to focus more on the lessons I've learned this year than on the events themselves. There are lots of lessons to be learned in life and sometimes it's the painful ones that teach you the most. Here's my roundup of the lessons I've learned this year, in no particular order:

Karma Works--I've always believed intellectually in Karma, but struggled to see the real world results until this year. I spent 15 months of my life working with a consulting firm that was struggling in every sense of the word. They had some tremendous consultants, but they could not deliver from a corporate perspective and their management was incompetent. Toward the middle of the year, this company ended up going belly up. I'm in a situation right now where I'm waiting for Karma to work and I have to keep reminding myself to take deep breaths because it will work out eventually, which leads me to my next lesson.

You can't force Karma--No matter how much time I spend bitching and whining about the people who deserve to have karma smack them upside the head, I can't make Karma happen any faster and all my bitching and whining does is come back and bite me. I have to take deep breaths and let Karma work in its own time.

Bad bosses can make your life a living hell--I've been fortunate in my 40+ years on the planet to have had incredibly awesome bosses who have nurtured me and supported me and helped me grow and develop. I've written and deleted about three paragraphs about the boss from hell, because I have to be careful what I write. Suffice to say that bosses who are jealous of you, who want you to be a suckup, and who are incompetent do exist and if you are unfortunate enough to work for one your life will be a living hell until you escape.

People will support and take care of competent people--Despite having the boss from hell, I was incredibly fortunate this year that several people who do appreciate my talents and abilities helped me to escape into a better position.

Eating and Exercise really do matter--John's heart attack was a wake up call for all of us and we've been all working very hard to change our diets and start exercising more. It's really hard to make some of the changes we've been making, but we're persevering.

Being Self Possessed is one of the hardest traits to acquire--I've always admired people who are calm, cool, collected and in control of their emotions. I admire them because they seem to glide along on top of things and not let the little things bother them. I, on the other hand, tend to go into spirals where I let little things get to me and I obsess over them even when obsessing over them is like hitting my head against a brick wall. I guess I think if I keep hitting the wall, things will eventually change. I'm not sure how to become self possessed and not let myself be controlled by my emotions.

Companies are all about what have you done for me lately--I have always delivered on every project I've undertaken and I've sacrificed and done what needed to be done to get the work done, but companies don't appreciate it. It is all about how much more you can do.

Corporate America Really SUCKS--Okay, I've known this one for most of my life, but I let myself get suckered in by the dollars and the supposed camaraderie. It isn't for real and it's all about how much the company can bleed you dry. The term companies have coined for this is "churn 'em and burn 'em" and that's what it's all about: working people until they burn out.

I put way too much energy into stuff that's not important--You would have thought that by now I would have learned my lesson about not working extra hours and not giving up family time for a job, but no I'm still doing it. I need to figure out how to accept that a job is just a job and all I owe them is 40 hours and not my heart and soul.

Life Goes On--My life changed when my dad died last year, but life went on. The sun rose every morning and set every evening. Life changed, but it went on.

My real passion is empowering people--That's the thing that makes me excited and I need to figure out how to take my passion and turn it into an income.

Those are the big lessons I learned this year. My next challenge is figuring out how to put those to work for me to change my life for the better.

Remembering Dad

My daddy would have been 74 today and I spent a lot of time today thinking about who he was, some of the adventures we shared, and giving thanks that I had a dad for the first 42 years of my life. I'm sure that some people think that I think my dad's a saint based on some of my blog entries, but I know that he wasn't a saint, just a good man trying to live the best life he could. Some of my favorite memories of dad:

The Arch--My grandma lived in Popular Bluff, MO and we would go to visit her at least three or four times every year and we usually drove straight down 55 from Chicago to St. Louis and the first one who saw the St. Louis Arch got ice cream. Of course, the reality was that we all got ice cream, but my brother and I always competed to see who would see the glistening aluminum arch first. The Arch was special to my parents because it was completed the October after they were married so there first few trips to St. Louis together they saw it being built.

The Zoo--My dad was the ultimate animal lover and no matter what town we were in we had to go to the zoo. We visited zoos in Alabama, Florida, Texas, and every state in between. However, no matter how many zoos we visited, the St. Louis zoo was always our favorite because it was the one we visited most often. We would go to the zoo several times a year and my dad always loved the bears. The tradition of visiting the zoo continued after my kids were born and we visited Lincoln Park Zoo together and my parents took them visit the zoo.

Family Vacations--We went on a family vacation almost every year I was growing up. We visited Gettysburg, Galveston, Iowa, and a host of other states. One of the most memorable trips was to the south when I was a kid. We visited the U.S.S. Mobile and visited the ocean. On our way home, we were camping when a tremendous storm came up and my brother got thrown off the bed and cut his head on the table. We rushed him to the hospital where we found out that we were actually camping out in a hurricane. Another great memory was visiting St. Augustine, FL and looking out at the ocean with my dad. We also visited Sea World on one trip and I remember it was the first time I realized that there was a whole other world out there under the sea. My parents really believed that vacations should be educational so they tried to make sure that at least a little learning was thrown in on each vacation.

Stuck in the snow--One trip to Poplar Bluff, MO we ended up stuck on the highway because it was shut down. The snow had already stopped, but traffic for miles came to a grinding halt and everyone got up and out of their cars and were walking around. Oddly enough, my father ran into a couple of his friends from his hometown and chatted with them until traffic started moving again.

Donuts with Dad--Until I discovered Krispy Kremes, I thought the absolute best glazed donuts in the world were made in this little donut shop in Poplar Bluff, MO. Every morning while we were in Poplar Bluff, we'd go to the donut store and get donuts for the extended family. Not only did my grandmother live in Poplar Bluff, my dad had several aunts and a brother living in town so there was always someone to visit.

Locks and Eagles--Once my dad retired, he loved going to the river to watch the boats go through the locks and dams and to see the eagles soaring along the Mississippi. Most of the time when we went out to visit, we either drive out to the river to watch the boats or to see the eagles. My parents always took the kids out to the river when they were younger and some of there most treasured memories are of going to the river with their grandfather.

Daddy's Motorcycle--My dad wasn't the type of person you'd think would end up with a motorcycle, but he had several while I was growing up that he used to commute to work and to take trips with my mom and dad. My dad's motorcyling days came to an abrupt end on the day he had a serious wreck on his bike and his outline was scorched into the earth. He wasn't seriously injured, but he took it as a sign that he should give up the bike.

Have a happy birthday Daddy, wherever you are.

Cocooning Bliss

I've always been a workaholic who has always believed that if you are not productive 120 percent of the time you're a slacker. And to top it off, productive for the most part has meant being "mind productive" and not "physically productive." After reading that a lot of you are probably going, what the heck is she talking about. Well, simply put I've always valued writing, reading, calculating, and those types of "mind" activities over physical activities like cleaning the house and exercising. If I wasn't involved in "mind" activities, I've been on the go traveling, running to the store, etc., etc. etc. I'd never learned how blissful puttering around the house can actually be.

Working for a Japanese company means that I have a winter break from 12/24 through 1/4 this year and after finishing our last minute Christmas shopping on the 24th, I've been spending the last few days puttering. I've slept late, I've washed dishes, I've taken naps, in short I've just let my body adjust to a slower pace and I'm amazed at how rested I feel. We also got a Wii Fit for Christmas and we're all taking turns playing and I'm amazed at how much fun it is and how much of a workout I get playing on that video game. It also tracks the time you've spent on it and lets you compete against one another. I'm an expert hula hooper, but I am totally uncoordinated and klutzy when it comes to the step dancing.


I went into Winter Break with a long to do list of things I wanted to accomplish for my business, my job, and around the house and I haven't accomplished a whole lot of them yet. The weird thing is that in years past if I hadn't trucked through my to do list in record time, I would have felt guilty and as if I was a slacker, but this year I'm realizing that I need this downtime to recharge my batteries and to get ready for the year ahead. The things that really need to get done will get done eventually, but if they don't get done today the world is not going to come to an end.

Although we've gone out to run the errands that have needed to be run, but we've spent a lot of time cocooned in the house just chilling out, watching TV, playing with the WII, and enjoying each other's company. We've watched movies together, we've played games together, and we've eaten dinner together. I'm relishing this year because I know that it won't be too much longer before it will be just John and I alone for the holidays.

Christmas Card Bliss

Sending Christmas cards is an old fashioned tradition that seems to have fallen out of fashion as fewer and fewer people are taking the time to actually send Christmas cards. However, it is one of my favorite traditions as it gives me time to sit and reflect upon the year that was and to think forward to the year that is coming. I've decided to include our Christmas letter below, with a few minor modificaitons to protect the "innocent."

December 24, 2009

Dear Friends,

It’s Christmas Eve and I’m sitting in front of my window looking out at the cold and snowy park across the street and thinking about how much I have to be grateful for this holiday season. First is the big one: that John survived a heart attack earlier this month. The doctors removed a complete blockage in one artery and put a stent in, and found another blockage that he will have to have taken care of in the near future. He spent five days in the hospital, but he’s home now, slowly regaining his strength. We’re working very hard to change our lifestyle to include less fats and more exercise. It’s a huge challenge, but giving up cheeseburgers seems like a pretty small sacrifice if it means having John around for a long time.

John was able to go back to work virtually (i.e. telecommuting) the week after his heart attack. He’s a Network Security Administrator for a company downtown so he’s fortunate that he has a job he can do remotely. He’s been there for a little over three years and he really enjoys his job and the people he works with. His office is downtown on Michigan Ave. I really didn’t appreciate how cool it was to work on Michigan Ave until he was at the hospital at Northwestern Memorial and I got to spend time hanging out downtown.

Sean’s at the University of Illinois Chicago and after a rocky first year, he’s settled into the rhythm of college life and is learning to balance work and play. He’s living downtown in the dorms and he loves being downtown and being able to take public transportation everywhere he goes. He has a job in the AV lab at school and is the acting captain of the debate team. He’s also very fortunate in that two of his best friends are also going to school downtown so he gets to see them quite often. Sean got a head start on adapting a healthier lifestyle as he’s been working at reading labels and exercising more for the last six months.

Caitlin, or Cat as she prefers to be called, is a senior in high school and looking forward to graduating and going to school at UIC. She and Sean are planning to share an apartment, mainly so that she can have all of her “children” with her. Cat inherited her love of animals from her grandfather and she has two birds, a hamster, a fish, and two guinea pigs. Cat’s active on her school paper, The Pacer, which has won several awards both last year and this year, and is an award-winning debater. She also works part time at our local bakery where she’s a valued member of the team and has even been told by her manager that she should go into marketing because of her friendly customer service.

As for me, I’m still working at the same company, but I’ve changed jobs and am the Customer Relationship Manager for our Shared Service Center. For the most part I enjoy my job and my coworkers, but what I really love about my job is that it’s only five minutes from home and I can slip out every so often and meet Caitlin for lunch. I’ve also started blogging (www.myeverydaybliss.com) and have been working on a couple of books that I hope to have published next year.

The most important member of our family, our dog Luke, takes his job of guarding the house seriously and he chases the mailman away every day and makes sure that our yard is free of squirrels. We are truly blessed to have him in our family and three years after adopting him, we still can’t believe that two families sent him back to the shelter because he is the sweetest and most loving dog imaginable.

I sincerely hope that this holiday season finds all of you well and that the New Year holds many opportunities for all of you.

Sincerely,
The Family