Problematic Bliss

My daughter's upstairs in her room and my son is safely ensconced in his dorm room downtown. These facts give me a small measure of bliss for at least for the next few hours I know that they're safe from the dangers and pressures of the world around them.


Like most parents, there are days when I read the paper and wish that I could wrap my children in cotton wool and protect them from everything painful and dangerous in the world, but I can't do that anymore than my parents could do that for me. I was never fearful for my children when they were younger, because they were always being watched over: they were at home, they were at school, they were at my mother's. Now it's a different story because in order for them to succeed, I have to let them go out into the world without me and all I can do is hope and pray they'll be safe.


I've never been worried about my children being harmed because of their own stupidity because we've raised them to be safe, to not take drugs, to not drive when drunk, to call us if they need a ride, and to be aware of their surroundings. I know for a fact they live by these rules because Cat has called us when she's needed rides and they've both known people who've gotten into trouble with drugs and they've both sworn they wouldn't do anything that stupid. We're not perfect parents, but we do spend time with our kids and enjoy hanging out with them and those things matter.


It's the stupidity and cruelty of other people's children that scares me. When Sean was 16, he wanted to get a job at a restaurant about 20 minutes from home and we wouldn't let him because he would have had to work till 11 and then come home at an hour when there might be drunks on the road. We explained that we weren't worried about his judgement, but about the idiots out there who might be drinking and driving. He was angry at us for a while, but he really did understand. We spent a lot of time last year lecturing him about not riding the CTA at night when he was going back and forth to visit a girlfriend in the 'burbs. He pooh poohed our concerns until he got mugged on the platform at 5:30 at night. We were extremely grateful that all this lesson cost him was an iPod and a cell phone. Now he rarely takes the CTA from the platform by his school and he always pays attention when he does.


Chelsea King's death really upset me because when I look at her photos, I see a girl a lot like Cat: beautiful, energetic, smart, and well liked. And some maniac took that beautiful girl away from her parents in a place she should have been safe. I can imagine her parents had the same conversations with her that we have with our kids about being aware of your surroundings, dialing 911, etc., etc. Unfortunately, all those lessons don't stand up to a maniac determined to do harm.


Realistically, I know I can't protect my children from all the nastiness that exists in the world, all I can do is raise them well, make sure they know they're loved, prepare them the best way I know how for the world at large, pray to the heavens to keep them safe, and accept that that's all I can do.