Birthday Card to my Love

His deep blue eyes that crinkled at the corners were the first things I noticed almost 22 years ago, his strong hands were the second, and his shy smile was the third. I didn't fall in love with him the first or even the second time we met, but I started realizing this was someone I could care deeply about when we saw each other after a week or so apart and he asked me how the Roman history test I'd been worried about had gone. I realized this was someone who really and truly listened and cared.

A few weeks later we went to a retreat with a bunch of friends and we only had eyes for each other. He took me out to a meadow and we lay on a blanket looking up at the stars and talking. We talked about our pasts, the future, and all the things that were right and wrong with the world. I felt myself sliding down a slippery slope toward that thing called love. I knew for sure I was in the deep end when I kidnapped him and took him to the zoo and realized that he was having as much fun as I was. Zoos have always been special places for me because my daddy took took me to the zoo several times a year and I could never imagine myself with someone who didn't love animals. I remember the exact moment that I fell in love: we were standing by the aviary at the St. Louis zoo and he put his arms around me and pulled me close. I felt so safe and protected that I didn't every want to leave his arms.

Music has always been a big part of John's world, but never something I really cared about until I met him and he introduced me to what heartfelt music was really like. I'll never forget the first time he popped a cassette tape into the stereo and played Sheriff's "When I'm With You" for me. I'd always thought that having a song was kind of hokey, but once he played that for me, I realized that hokey or not, it meant something.

We were married just a little over six months after we met and so many people told us that it wouldn't last, but we knew that it would. We knew that what we felt was real and that we would stand the test of time. I knew for sure it was going to last when he looked into my eyes and sang "Color My World." How could I resist someone looking at me with love in his eyes and singing:

As time goes on I realize

Just what you mean to me

And now, now that you're near

Promise your love

That I've waited to share

And dreams of our moments together

Color my world with hope of loving you

Eleven months after we were married, we welcomed Sean into the world and we made that transition from couple to family. John was always more ready to have kids than I was and I fell in love with him all over again when he'd smile the daddy smile at the thought of his son. My most treasured photo of my husband is one of him holding Sean in the hospital after he was born. The look of love and wonder in his eyes always makes me smile.

Although John was a little nervous about the prospect of being daddy to a little girl, he joyously welcomed Caitlin into the world two years later and he tackled the almost impossible task of being a stay at home dad to two small children on a military base. At the time, I had absolutely no clue what I had asked him to do or the depth of his sacrifice, but looking back I realize how incredibly hard it had to be for him to be a stay at home dad on the testosterone riddled space called Kadena Air Base.

We were more than ready to come home after three years overseas and John continued to be a very hands on dad. He made Cat's first birthday cake and did an incredible job creating a beautiful pink rabbit for her to enjoy. When she was five, he spent hours making a Blues Clues came for her to play with her friends. He was the one that took Sean to his first day of school and cheered Seano on at his T-ball games. He's been there for the kids through diapers and diplomas and he's shown them by example how to be a good person and a good dad.


Our lives together haven't been perfect and like any couple that's been together over twenty years, we've had our ups and downs. However, I know that deep down John is my best friend and my moving buddy. We've moved ourselves over 12 times and every time we've moved, he's been by my side to lift and tote and make sure everything got where it was supposed to go.


John was my rock when my daddy was sick and died two years ago and I fell even more deeply in love with him when he thought everyone had gone and he stood in front of my daddy's urn and thanked him for welcoming him into his family. I didn't realize until that very moment exactly how much it had meant to John that my dad welcomed him with loving arms into our family and it made me realize exactly how much my husband, who was adopted as a child, had envied my family. It also made me a little ashamed as I realized I'd always taken for granted the thing he wanted more than anything: unconditional love.


I almost lost my best friend three months ago when he had a heart attack and had to have emergency surgery. His voice mail rocked me to my very core as I heard the love and fear in his voice. I'm so fortunate that we've been given a second chance.


There are only two things left to say in this Birthday Card to my husband:

• You'd better be around for the next 22 years


• I love you enough to insert a You Tube video rather than ruin your hearing with my rendition of our song.

Happy Birthday Honey!!!

Old Friends

Five years of my life were spent deep in the trenches of my former employer. I left a little over two years ago to pursue more money and a better opportunity, but what I didn't realize is that I left behind people I really cared about and who had become my family.

One of my best friends at my old company did a purchasing demo for my new boss and coworkers and rather than have him just do a webcast for us, I took the opportunity to drive the twenty minutes or so to their new offices and do the meeting in person with him. As I was waiting by the elevator, my old boss came up and greeted me and was genuinely happy to see me. I hadn't realized exactly how much I missed working for him until that minute. He was always able to push me and get the best out of me in a way that few people are able to. I've been known to be high maintenance at times, but he kept setting the bar higher and higher and higher and before I realized it I was performing at a higher level than I ever thought I could.

We had a few minutes to kill before the demo, so I spent the time walking around and greeting my old coworkers. Without exception they were thrilled to see me and greeted me with hugs. The feeling was mutual as I greeted the folks I'd spent five years in the trenches with hugs and happiness. We spent a few minutes catching up and then it was on to the meeting. I was thrilled to see so many of them were still working at my old company and that despite the difficulties of the previous year, they all looked happy and I was happy for them.

It's always interesting to have folks from former and current jobs meet each other and today was no exception. My buddy B had to tell obligatory jokes about my messy desk so my new boss felt inclined to tease me about my history of destroying laptops (i.e. spilling nail polish and other things on them), but I knew it was all in good fun and that if they really didn't like me they wouldn't have teased me (at least that's what I told myself). Overall the meeting went well and it was a pretty productive sharing of ideas.

The afternoon ended with more visits to old friends and more hugs and I left the building wondering whatever possessed me to leave when I worked with such awesome people. And then I remembered I'd left to have a more project based job and even though I really missed the people, I know deep down that I made the right choice for me. And, I have all their numbers so we can always do lunch.

Problematic Bliss

My daughter's upstairs in her room and my son is safely ensconced in his dorm room downtown. These facts give me a small measure of bliss for at least for the next few hours I know that they're safe from the dangers and pressures of the world around them.


Like most parents, there are days when I read the paper and wish that I could wrap my children in cotton wool and protect them from everything painful and dangerous in the world, but I can't do that anymore than my parents could do that for me. I was never fearful for my children when they were younger, because they were always being watched over: they were at home, they were at school, they were at my mother's. Now it's a different story because in order for them to succeed, I have to let them go out into the world without me and all I can do is hope and pray they'll be safe.


I've never been worried about my children being harmed because of their own stupidity because we've raised them to be safe, to not take drugs, to not drive when drunk, to call us if they need a ride, and to be aware of their surroundings. I know for a fact they live by these rules because Cat has called us when she's needed rides and they've both known people who've gotten into trouble with drugs and they've both sworn they wouldn't do anything that stupid. We're not perfect parents, but we do spend time with our kids and enjoy hanging out with them and those things matter.


It's the stupidity and cruelty of other people's children that scares me. When Sean was 16, he wanted to get a job at a restaurant about 20 minutes from home and we wouldn't let him because he would have had to work till 11 and then come home at an hour when there might be drunks on the road. We explained that we weren't worried about his judgement, but about the idiots out there who might be drinking and driving. He was angry at us for a while, but he really did understand. We spent a lot of time last year lecturing him about not riding the CTA at night when he was going back and forth to visit a girlfriend in the 'burbs. He pooh poohed our concerns until he got mugged on the platform at 5:30 at night. We were extremely grateful that all this lesson cost him was an iPod and a cell phone. Now he rarely takes the CTA from the platform by his school and he always pays attention when he does.


Chelsea King's death really upset me because when I look at her photos, I see a girl a lot like Cat: beautiful, energetic, smart, and well liked. And some maniac took that beautiful girl away from her parents in a place she should have been safe. I can imagine her parents had the same conversations with her that we have with our kids about being aware of your surroundings, dialing 911, etc., etc. Unfortunately, all those lessons don't stand up to a maniac determined to do harm.


Realistically, I know I can't protect my children from all the nastiness that exists in the world, all I can do is raise them well, make sure they know they're loved, prepare them the best way I know how for the world at large, pray to the heavens to keep them safe, and accept that that's all I can do.

Fuzzy Pink Bliss

Cat got me a fuzzy pink robe for Christmas and it is a gift I treasure for every time I put it on I feel as if I'm wrapped in her love. Pink isn't normally my color, but the bright and vibrant pink of my fuzzy robe never fails to make me smile as it reminds me that life is good and that someone loves me.

Interestingly enough, pink is the favorite color of one of my best friends so in addition to feeling wrapped in my daughter's love, my fuzzy pink robe also makes me think of my friend Alison and how much joy and friendship she has brought into my life.

One of my favorite things to do on a Sunday night before the long and arduous work week starts is to throw my pajamas and robe into the dryer, take a long hot shower, and then douse myself in moisturizer. Putting on warm clothes over the moisturizer makes it soak deep into my skin so that when I wake up I feel soft and silky all over. The ritual is made more special by the loving warmth of my fluffy pink robe.

It's only recently that I have begun embracing pink as a symbol of the strength and endurance that the so-called weaker sex brings to the world. Despite hundred of years of being dominated, being stuck in the kitchen, and being treated like second class citizens, women have persevered and the world is starting to embrace the kind and collaborative talents that women bring to the world and to the workplace.

I was a daddy's girl growing up who didn't have any strong, working role models and even though my daddy loved and encouraged me, he was still somewhat of a chauvinist. I can remember early in my career my dad scolding me for wanting a woman to get a high paying job because if she did she'd be taking it away from a guy who needed the job to feed his family. My dad was still of the era that thought a woman's true place was in the kitchen while a man went out and worked to feed his family.

In the days since my childhood, I've learned that no one should be pigeonholed by their sex and that women can be strong and capable leaders and that men can be soft and compassionate parents. Individuals should be judged for their own talents and traits and not what society deems them capable of.

Sitting in my pink and fluffy robe, I think of all the strong, capable, compassionate, nurturing, and amazing women that have gone before me and that I am blessed to call friends and a blissful smile crosses my lips.